i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
