Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
