I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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