i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize