i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
