hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
