after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
