I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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