You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Is Oprah even human
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
