I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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