I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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