if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
