My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
