3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
