i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I don't want my vagina anymore.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
