Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
