Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
