that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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