You really coming over, don't trick.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Bring me that man meat
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
