Me. At least after what I've been through.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
