Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
