Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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