I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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