i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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