It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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