your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
