so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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