can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
