im having a threesome with these popsicles
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just forgot I was standing up.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
