Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The feeling are messing with the penis
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
