The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
