kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
