On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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