i just wanna soil my oats bro
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
