I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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