Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
