hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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