I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
