Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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