I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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