That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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