the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize