i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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