i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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