wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
