mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
