While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
