Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
