Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
