I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
