His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
