youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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