I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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