can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize