If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
