i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
