Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
