i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
