you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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