I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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