dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
