After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
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