thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
