dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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