They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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