I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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