Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
