Tell her she can't have a vagina
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
