i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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